advise a friend who responds to conflict by using avoidance and confrontation strategy on why is not healthy for sustaining positive relationships
Answers
I’m super conflict avoidant (less so now, as age and wisdom have pried me from it).
No advice is going to change a person’s fundamental nature. There may come a time in your friend’s life when s/he has been particularly burned by avoidance, and you can be there to offer support, but even then it’s not ideal to start coaching about how s/he needs to change. Instead, use those experiences to create a safe space for your friend, because that safety is what the person craves.
As to the second part, it’s devastating to relationships because every relationship has an inherent power imbalance. Even if your friend isn’t with someone who will exploit that (which s/he will probably default to for the reasons that gave rise to avoidance in the first place) the other person in every relationship will always hold all the power. Conflict is a natural byproduct of sharing your life with a person—from 3 year-old siblings to couples that have been married for 30 years. Skills for navigating conflict are required in even the best relationships