Articles on growing demands of teenagers
Answers
Adolescents are famous for giving their parents grief, so you know you’re not alone in finding it hard to parent a teenager. It’s actually a healthy part of growing up to challenge one’s parents, so at least some of the trouble your teen is causing you is necessary to their growing into a competent adult who can solve their own problems.
But if your teen is openly insolent, refuses to do household chores, and is frequently defiant and surly with you, you might need help. Sometimes, it’s a matter of fine-tuning your own attitude, and sometimes, it takes a lot of time and trouble, but always, it’s worth doing everything you can to solve the problem of a problem teen.Here are eleven ways to rein your teen challenges back into the healthy range:
1. Expect power issues and conflict. Argue as needed. Also: be warm and loving.
A hot debate is a great way for your teenager to discover what you care about, and why it’s worth caring about. According to the research on optimal human development, you’re doing your parenting job well if you and your teenager are arguing a lot, as long as there’s also love and warmth in your home.
2. Stay calm. Stay cool. Own the parenting space.
Difficult kids appear to take pleasure from pushing your buttons and making you crazy. But on a deeper level, they may be crying out for your help or your attention. They need you to stay strong and calm. Just like a toddler who challenges the rules, teens feel safest when they know they can trust their parents to be solid, no matter what grief they give them.
So, do whatever you need to do to stay grounded and calm. Learn how to use breathing techniques, count to ten, practice mindfulness, take a walk in nature, give yourself a time-out. Do what works to keep yourself sane and reasonable when interacting with your teen. If none of your usual methods work—that is, if your teen has totally pushed your buttons and you feel like exploding—do your best to defer saying anything until you’ve calmed down.