do this essay contain any mistake and which parts you find it difficult to comprehend or illogic, please help me
The graph shows the quantity of the birds population fluctuated wildly over the past 5 decades from 1960 to 2010
At the beginning of 1960, birds population started at 85,000 but then falling to a low point of nearly 5,000 during the next 10 years. After that, that numbers rose rapidly to over 65,000 by 1980. The same thing happend as the first period, after 1980, it declined enormously to over 5,000, being higher than the numbers in the year 1970. After some fluctuations, numbers then jumped back to almost 85,000 in 2000 and continued its upward trend in the next year , with a highest peak of 105,000 birds
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Answer:
At the beginning of the 1960s, the population of birds was around 85,000. But it sharply declined by 5,000 within a decade. After that, the number of birds rose rapidly to over 65,000 by 1980. However, the same phenomenon was observed again after 1980. There was a rapid decline, the number of birds decreased by more than 5,000. Fluctuation was constantly taking place the following years. Then the total numbers soared to almost 85,000 in 2000. The upward trend continued with the highest peak of 105,000 birds the next year.
Answer:
You could add a sentence at the beginning of the first paragraph(called topic sentence) that explains what the whole essay is about. As I do not know what the essay is about at first, I cannot completely comprehend the essay.
As this is a scientific essay it is important to add facts about the topic, but there are too mant facts and dates which can be confusing the reader. Instead you could give a fact and elaborate on it before going to another fact. This will help the reader understand every fact and point while you are still able to state all your facts.
(Pls take the feedback in a positive way. I am only trying to help!)
Explanation: