essay on Be the change you want to see in the world
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Be the Change You Want To See
We spend a lot of time trying to change other people. There is, after all, so much wrong with them: they’re selfish, arrogant, bullying, weak, cold, needy and so on.
So we try to point this out – and often meet with resistance, denial or sheer indifference. This can be very agitating and hence renders us cross and severe. Why won’t people take our lessons on board?
In our behaviour, we tend to be making an implicit distinction between two projects: getting other people to change – and changing ourselves. We know we may have to develop in certain ways, but for now, our focus is on altering others. We make an evolution in our own behaviour conditional on evolutions in other people’s. We vow that we’ll be nicer if they’re nicer, that we’ll be less strident if they give up shouting.
However, we’re prone to miss an important insight: changing how you behave to others can be the fastest way to alter how others behave towards you.
People tend – to a remarkable extent – to mirror behaviour. If someone is aggressive around them, they become aggressive back. If someone is gentle, they become soft in return. If someone acts wisely, it’ll draw any latent reserves of wisdom out of the audience.
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