Explain BDSM
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BDSM is broken into three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism," Jean explains. "This is the overall umbrella where most kinks fall. It can contain all elements or only one, BDSM holds no judgment."
Now, if associating words like "submission," "sadism," and "masochism" with sex is new to you, I totally get it. To many — especially those of us whose knowledge of BDSM stems purely from films like Fifty Shades — the practice sounds like a warped power dynamic or even abuse. But it is possible to combine sex, power, and even pain in a healthy fashion, Jean says, as long as two adults are communicative and have explicitly given their consent.
When asked how she felt Fifty Shades portrayed this kind of relationship, Jean held no punches. "To be honest, I’ve stopped paying attention to Fifty Shades," she says. "It’s so horrendous and makes me angry. From what I can tell, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of communication between the partners or proper aftercare."
"Aftercare" refers to the time and attention two partners spend together after an intense sexual experience, built around discussing how you both felt about what just took place and ensuring each partner feels appreciated and cared for. It differs from couple to couple based on your own wants and needs (for some, it might include cuddling; for others, a conversation about exactly what was going through your mind during sex), but aftercare is a way to touch base and ensure you both feel safe and comfortable. And no, it's not something that Fifty Shades seems to portray at all.
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bondage domination submission masochism
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