Question

hi pls tell this story is nice or not One Rainy Night
It was seven in night . Maan and Manav were watching TV while Amma was cooking the dinner . Maan and Manav are brothers , Manav was seven years old and Maan was ten years old . Appa was a spy and he went to his office for the mission that he had working for one month . Maan and Manav were watching their favourite cartoon . Suddenly the lights went off . Amma said " Maan and Manav did you do something ?" Manav said "No we didn't " Amma said " Ok fine ,go outside and play " Maan asked
" In dark Amma ? " Amma laughed and said
" Are you scared of ghosts ?" " No but Manav is !"
Manav said angrily " I am not scared of ghosts "
They both went out and decided to play cricket .
Maan hit the ball with his bat so hardly at it went in someone's house and Maan said " Go and get the ball , it's your ball " Manav said " It was you who hit the ball so hardly " Maan said " Well I have heard that this house is haunted house and whoever go in the house never comes back " They decided to go together and
get the ball .They went to the front gate and opened it and it was a creepy noise caming form the old gate and they entered and they ranged the ring bell and the door opened itself and they entered and saw something moving and they went to see suddenly the door closed itself and they went inside and they saw a shadow of someone .They went to see it and they shouted "Aaaaaaah a gost ,ran ran " And they heard a voice "Wait it is me your appa "Manav asked "Why are you here ?" Appa said "I should ask you about it " Appa told that he was in a mission that he was working for a month ; a case about a girl 's murder. Maan was scared of murder cases and Manav asked the case ,so appa told that one month before a girl lived with her boyfriend and her boyfriend got killed and she was killed too that night .Manav asked "What is a boyfriend ?" Appa said "You will understand when you will grow up " Maan know the meaning of it and they walked in a room to look for some clues but the wind blow as it was angry at us and one paper blow and it was in Manav's hands and appa read "Dear Anna ,
I killed your boyfriend because i was his first but you came and he became yours so i kiilllllled him .
Yours lovingly,
Unknown
Reading this letter we found a clue that it she is a girl and she loved anna 's boyfriend but
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Answer 1

Answer: it’s awesome. 5 out of 5

Explanation:

Cool hope to see more of your story.

Answer 2

Hi ! The story can be given a rating of 2.5 of 5 .But there are some awkward moments in the story , why will mother say to go and play in dark (at least the children themselves will say that , no mom will say , at least I never saw one ) . And how can someone play cricket in the dark . And you took the story to a peak and I thought it would still be interesting, but you ended up with a letter . If it's only a letter why will take him 1 month . And why are the children there in the story . The story can run with out them too.

Suggestions

• You must have developed with some more creepy experience, bringing a feeling in the readers that there is a ghost , but finally reveal it was their dad or appa
• You should have used the children too for investigation
• You should have continued the suspense line of who killed whom
• We can't still find who was that unknown
• Their names were confusing too , use names with no similarity (maan and manav are so close names , they confused my brain )
• And if you think stopping the story with no proper conclusion is mystery genre then you are wrong . The story could gone very interesting, but the letter ruined it .

Don't take this in a offensive way try taking it as compliment