How can we break upon the barriers of fear and hostility which divide the two communities?
Answers
Sadly, such guileless efforts at deceit are sufficiently common in youngsters as to make them seem almost innocent. Still, such an unfortunate tendency is one we may never completely outgrow. And such prevarication is certainly not one of our more endearing traits. It’s hardly exemplary behavior to try to escape blame or criticism by (shamelessly) “passing the buck.” And projecting our mistakes, or misdeeds, onto others represents a psychological defense that, while it may protect our ego, typically creates far more problems than it solves.
What I’d like to clarify in this post is that a good deal of our anger is motivated by a desire not to experience guilt—and beyond this, the distressing emotions of hurt and fear. It’s by now generally agreed upon that anger, as prevalent as it is in our species, is almost never a primary emotion. For underlying it (as fellow blogger Steven Stosny pointed out two decades ago) are such core hurts as feeling disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, and unlovable. And these feelings are capable of engendering considerable emotional pain. It’s therefore understandable that so many of us might go to great lengths to find ways of distancingourselves from them.