how to edit the sentence
Answers
The boy painted a great many cats upon the screen, and then he began to feel very sleepy.
Hope it helps :)
Lots of room for improvement here. What is the main thing that’s happening anyway? Am I getting or taking or building or all three?
Taking my lunch to school, I got on my bicycle, built in the 1970s.
Okay, so I’m going. The sentence emphasizes the main verb now, but it makes the bicycle seem very old.
Taking my lunch, I got on my bicycle, heading to school, built in the 1970s.
That makes it more likely that the school is old, not the bicycle, but let’s sharpen our point.
Taking my lunch, I got on my bicycle, heading to school, which was built in the 1970s.
Taking, heading… which verb is more important? What’s the main action in the sentence? I need to make my actions as clear as we can. Three verbs reside in one sentence, but I resolve that only one action shall rule.
Taking my lunch, I got on my bicycle and headed to school, which was built in the 1970s.
Much better. Now got and headed are parallel, and the focus is on me. I like that focus. But the verb taking seems a little weak here. Meaning, the verb taking doesn’t accurately describe what I did with my lunch that morning.