How to trust yourself
Answers
Realize that failure isn’t a reason to judge yourself. This is really important, and if you learn nothing else, this is the takeaway. Instead of internalizing failure as an indicator that we are not trustworthy or not sufficient, we need to learn that failure is just an external event. Sure, we were involved with that event, but it’s like throwing a ball towards a hoop — if we miss, does that mean we are horrible people? No, it just means we need to adjust the way we throw the ball. Perhaps move closer. Maybe throw underhand if that’s more successful. Get a ladder. Make the hoop bigger. Find someone to help. There are no rules in this game — we can figure out ways to make ourselves succeed. Failure is simply an indicator that something in our method needs to be changed.
Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Before you can start to trust yourself again, you have to go over all your past failures, and the bad feelings you have of them. Just take 10-20 minutes today to do that. Yes, you failed. Yes, that’s OK. We all fail. That’s no reason to feel bad about yourself. Let it go! Tell yourself that you are good, that mistakes we’re your fault but the fault of the method.
Start to make and keep promises with yourself. This part takes longer, because trust isn’t regained overnight. Make small promises to yourself. Seriously, as small as you can. For example, if your habit is yoga, tell yourself all you need to do is get on the mat. You don’t even need to do 5 minutes. Then do everything you can to keep that promise. Same thing for non-habit stuff — just start writing, just get one veggie in your meal, just close your computer for a minute when a timer goes off (if you want to focus on other things besides the Internet, for example). Small promises, but big efforts to keep them. Over time, you’ll start to learn that you are trustworthy.
Learn to get through the tough times. There will always be times when you don’t feel like doing the habit, when you feel like giving up, when you miss a day or two for various reasons and don’t feel like starting. First, recognize that these are dips in your motivation and that it will take a little extra effort to get through them. Second, recognize the negative thoughts you might be having about your ability to ge through them, or the rationalizations that you have to not do it, and don’t listen. Third, tell yourself that all you need to do is find some extra motivation — ask a friend for help, go on the forum to ask for some accountability and encouragement, give yourself a big reward, announce a challenge just to get through this sticking point.
Four steps, none super easy but none too hard that you can’t nail them. You got this. You can trust yourself to form new habits and stick to them, and when you have that trust, nothing can stop you.
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