Question

it is very easy to surrender your ego for the sake of another person​

Answer 1

Anyone on the path of spirituality will definitely talk about the ego, surrender and sacrifice. We are all brought up believing that the ego is the biggest villain, the highest virtue being the surrender of our ego.

I have had a lot of problem accepting this and there’ve been a lot of confusions in my mind. Hence I chose the topic EGO. Once I started this project, it took a life of its own. I got on to a roller coaster ride which took me from learning about the ego to learning about love and then surrender. Before I go on, I need to explain a little bit about my background and why this topic was so troublesome to me.

I’m the youngest of four siblings. There is an age gap of 17 years between me and my brother who is the eldest and the sister born before me is 10 years elder to me. I think my parents brought me into this world as an afterthought. My mother wanted a son. I was born a girl and a dark and ugly child at that. I grew up being apologetic for my existence.

I was the only child in a family of 5 grownups telling me what to do and more than that what not to do. I became the good girl who did everyone’s bidding. Any why I ever asked was shut up with ‘Because I tell you so’ till I stopped asking.

I lived my life as per the wishes of my family. My school, my career, my marriage, was all chosen for me. I went through all the motions of life without being aware that I had a choice. By the time I was married, I had internalised the process and I continued my life in the same way.

There was a part of me which believed that it was selfish to have any desires. Life was supposed to be lived selflessly, putting others before self. Sacrifice was supposed to be the highest virtue.

There was another part of me which was brought up reading English books, watching Hollywood movies and television serials. Ayn Rand was my favourite author and I was influenced by her philosophy called the objectivist epistemology. According to her, selfishness was a virtue and living for others, a sin. To quote one of Ayn Rand’s character, Howard Roark from the novel, ‘The Fountainhead’- ‘ I swear by my life and my love for it, that I’ll never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.’

This western notion of individuality made a lot of sense to me and I hero worshipped those people who lived life on their own terms.

This was a huge confusion for me. Why do these people who are selfish and egoistic by the social standards look so happy and why am I who have surrendered my ego (or so I thought at the time) so unhappy? Because unhappy I was most of the time. I had everything, yet something essential was missing. I went through major bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts.