list the factors where liking and dislikinhs differ from person to person
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Comfort" is a measure of how well our current physical + psychological + spiritual needs are met now. A relationship exists when the existence, values, and/or behaviors of one person significantly affects the comfort of another person. "Significantly" is subjective. Do you agree?
The quality of any relationship is a mix of neediness and enjoyment - e.g. "I need my doctor, but I don't like her." Acquaintances don't need each other, but enjoy some contact (or don't). Friends and lovers are people we usually need and enjoy each other. Kids need parents to survive, and may fear and/or dislike them. Non-possessive love is the highest form of "liking" someone.
Reflect - who taught you your definition of a "good' or "nice" (likeable) person? Your relatives? Teachers? Your friends and hero/ines? The media? Scriptures? Personal experience? All of these? All of us acquire criteria that become semi-conscious in judging whom we respect, admire, and like - including ourselves.
Think of someone you "really like." Now think of an adult or child who you feel is "obnoxious" (unlikable). What criteria are you using to make those judgments? Are they a mix of learned traits (e.g. "honest people are good, and liars are bad.") + direct experience? Have you ever experienced the paradox of dis/liking a person and feeling you "shouldn't"?
Premise - disliking someone usually means "I disapprove of this person's attitudes, behaviors, values, traits, and/or appearance." This implies that you can dislike one aspect of a person, and still approve of (like) them as an individual. When you dislike too many traits, you dislike the whole person.
Dislike ("bad chemistry") usually describes a mix of unpleasant feelings (reactions) like distrust, disrespect, disapproval, and perhaps hurt, disgust, annoyance, resentment, anxiety, frustration, and/or anger. If you accept this idea, then seeking ways to cope with someone's dislike transforms into seeking ways to reduce each of these individual feelings.
Notice the difference between "I don't like you" and "I disrespect and/or distrust you."
Picture all the adults and kids who significantly affect your life now assembled in a group. Look at each person, and decide whether you like them, dislike them, or are indifferent to them. Now reverse this - who likes you, dislikes you, or doesn't care about you?
The quality of any relationship is a mix of neediness and enjoyment - e.g. "I need my doctor, but I don't like her." Acquaintances don't need each other, but enjoy some contact (or don't). Friends and lovers are people we usually need and enjoy each other. Kids need parents to survive, and may fear and/or dislike them. Non-possessive love is the highest form of "liking" someone.
Reflect - who taught you your definition of a "good' or "nice" (likeable) person? Your relatives? Teachers? Your friends and hero/ines? The media? Scriptures? Personal experience? All of these? All of us acquire criteria that become semi-conscious in judging whom we respect, admire, and like - including ourselves.
Think of someone you "really like." Now think of an adult or child who you feel is "obnoxious" (unlikable). What criteria are you using to make those judgments? Are they a mix of learned traits (e.g. "honest people are good, and liars are bad.") + direct experience? Have you ever experienced the paradox of dis/liking a person and feeling you "shouldn't"?
Premise - disliking someone usually means "I disapprove of this person's attitudes, behaviors, values, traits, and/or appearance." This implies that you can dislike one aspect of a person, and still approve of (like) them as an individual. When you dislike too many traits, you dislike the whole person.
Dislike ("bad chemistry") usually describes a mix of unpleasant feelings (reactions) like distrust, disrespect, disapproval, and perhaps hurt, disgust, annoyance, resentment, anxiety, frustration, and/or anger. If you accept this idea, then seeking ways to cope with someone's dislike transforms into seeking ways to reduce each of these individual feelings.
Notice the difference between "I don't like you" and "I disrespect and/or distrust you."
Picture all the adults and kids who significantly affect your life now assembled in a group. Look at each person, and decide whether you like them, dislike them, or are indifferent to them. Now reverse this - who likes you, dislikes you, or doesn't care about you?
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