Observe any five families in your neighbourhood and draw your conclusions , advantages and disadvantages of living in a joint family
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Togetherness: Growing up with cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents gives children the opportunity to connect with everyone and forge close bonds. Especially, the bond with grandparents, which almost every child cherishes. This feature is among the key characteristics of a joint family.
Imbibing family values: Many values that parents want to teach children are taught well in the joint family system. Growing up together, children learn to share, care for and respect everyone. They also learn how to empathise with those around them.
Shared support system: For working parents, who need someone trustworthy to be around their children, the joint family system is a boon. With uncles, aunts or grandparents around, who care for children and have their best interest in mind, parents feel less worried. Thus, they have the freedom to make time to socialise, catch up with each other at a private dinner, or hang out with friends.
Division of labour: A joint family works like a big team, especially when it comes to doing household chores like cooking or cleaning. Family members get together and ensure that tasks are done on time and, sometimes, even before time. As a result, no family member ever feels stressed about work.
Financial security: All the earning family members contribute to the common fund for household expenses. This system also acts as a security net. When a member suffers monetary loss or loss of job, others get together to ensure that his or her daily needs are taken care of.
Demerits of a joint family:
Lack of together time/privacy: With many family members around, the lack of privacy and/or together time, can become an issue. If a particular family member is called up frequently to shoulder responsibilities, it can lead to disharmony in married life. Also, in a joint family, a couple always has to be mindful about being watched and heard when they want to exchange a compliment or a gesture or, engage in a discussion or an argument.
Decreased freedom to express: A couple, especially the woman, might struggle with finding her comfort zone outside her room. She might not have a say in many aspects like deciding on food choices, decorating the house or even, wearing something that is comfortable for her and stepping out of her room. At times, her ideas might also be dismissed by other family members.
Disagreement on finances: Contributions towards running the household and how the money should be spent is a major issue in joint families. While everyone is expected to contribute money towards running the house, it is the head of the family who controls the funds and decides on how the money will be spent. Sometimes, the decisions taken by the head of the family may not go down well with some family members, leading to disagreements and arguments.
Conflicts over parenting style: Parenting becomes a challenge in a joint family. Many adults with differing styles may bombard parents with advice on what to do and what not. There might be interference in almost everything related to childcare and upbringing, right from use of diapers to food to disciplining. For a new mom, such intrusions can prove even more confusing and upsetting.
Discontent and distress: Over a period, all the above factors might lead to discontent and unhappiness among members of the family. Along with these, even trivial issues like not being able to make a dish as per one’s own recipe or inviting a friend over for a birthday bash, can snowball into a confrontation. At times, a family member may try to take undue advantage of others, which can also cause immense frustration. Also, those who earn more than others may try to dominate, leading to friction among family members.
The joint family is not a perfect system. However, having said that, there are families that make the joint family system work by demarcating responsibilities and duties, respecting each other, and being generous and helpful. At the end, it boils down to what we want for ourselves and our children, and what is feasible.