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Teens Who Commit Crimes: What Can/Should Parents Do?
How do we know when normal teen acting-out is a preamble to something far more sinister? Is it our parental responsibility to expose our children's suspicious activity and turn them over to authorities, or do we defend and protect them at all costs?
When Hurricane Sandy left families without power this week, some parents worried that dark streets and restless teenagers were a recipe for more disaster.
Even under normal circumstances, most teens push boundaries. They talk back, break curfew, lie and sometimes cheat and steal as they navigate their way into adulthood. But these behaviors are a far cry from the serious juvenile crimes that concern some parents -- and the kind that have recently hit the headlines.
How do we know when normal teen acting-out is a preamble to something far more sinister? Is it our parental responsibility to expose our children's suspicious activity and turn them over to authorities, or do we defend and protect them at all costs? Most important, are there things parents can -- and should -- do to avoid this dangerous trajectory, whether in stormy times or everyday life?
Those were among the challenging ethical questions that television host Michael Coren raised while interviewing me for CNN's Sun News. We were talking about the two moms who recently turned their children in after learning about their criminal behavior. One, Anita Saunders, a South Jersey mother of 15 and 17-year-old boys, provided information from a Facebook page that ultimately helped police find the body of Autumn Pasquale, a 12-year-old who had vanished while riding her bike. Allegedly, Autumn was strangled by one of the boys, her backpack and bike left in a dumpster near their home. The teens are now in custody.
Two days later, Mindy Sigg, a Colorado mother of a 17-year-old boy, turned in her son after he shared details about his involvement in the case of a missing 10-year-old girl, Jessica Ridgeway. According to police, Ms. Siggs said, "I made the phone call, and he turned himself in. That's all I have to say," breaking down in tears as she hung up the phone. The call resulted in her son's arrest for the murder of the young girl as well as the attempted abduction of a jogger earlier in the year.
Are they courageous mothers who decided to do the right thing? Or is this the ultimate maternal betrayal made by desperate parents? I responded to my interviewer's questions, saying that regardless of their motives, these moms made heartbreaking decisions that raise serious questions about the role parents play in managing teen behavior.
Saunders and Sigg's actions reminded me of how often I read about parents who do the opposite -- defend their children -- after their sons or daughters have been found guilty of serious crimes. "It's not possible that my kid could have done such a terrible thing," they protest. They remain convinced of their innocence -- sometimes even after watching their child commit a crime on surveillance video. While family loyalty is a natural reaction, it makes you wonder how often parents actually know about their children's deviant behavior but fail to report it. How many actually understand the important line between actions that require authority intervention and behavior that might not?
In the case of the mothers in recent news events, most would agree that turning their children in was the correct, if very difficult, thing to do. But would we all feel the same about reporting illegal drugs found in a teen's backpack? Or items in a child's bedroom closet that appear to have been shoplifted? What if we become aware of cyber-bullying or online chatter that suggests violence to others or themselves?