Question

plz tell me some funny jokes for my speech in farewell guys plzz​

Answer 1

A Confession - Funny Farewell Speech

A priest was being honoured at his farewell dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his speech.

'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, 'said the politician.' In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession.'

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Answer 2

Answer:

You Are Probably Ready to Leave If....

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks

and discover you aren't wearing any.

You step off a curb and look down one more time to make

sure the street is still there.

Getting "lucky" means you remember where you left your

car in the car park.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt; doesn't work.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you

don't even remember being on top of it.

You have more hair in your ears and nose

than on your head.