Question

When a car goes out of control the driver would prefer to hit something soft than something hard

Answer 1

Of course.... Would prefer to hit something soft.

This has all to do with change in momentum. When a vehicle hits a wall the change in momentum is rapid because the velocity is reduced instantly to zero as compared to when the vehicle hits a soft obstacle like hay, the momentum change is less rapid since the velocity gradually reduces to zero.
The implication this has is that when momentum changes rapidly, a higher force is generated, from Newton's second law of motion; force is change in momentum per unit time. With a higher force from a rapid change in momentum, the damage would be more hence the driver avoids such collisions.