Which sentence will Fatima’s teacher most likely ask her to revise?
Having moved up north just last year, I experienced my first snowstorm this past winter.
At first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting.
Then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that I felt cocooned from the outside world.
When the snow stopped, ice coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth.
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hey, every sentence!!! thank u !!!
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Fathima's teacher asked her to revise the line as 'Having moved up to the north last year, I experienced my first snowstorm' (or) 'Having moved up north, I experienced my first snowstorm last winter'.
Explanation:
Having read the above paragraph, I think Fathima's teacher will ask her to revise the first line. The first line repeats the same meaning twice in the context. Since she moved up north, it will be her first winter, and hence the first snowstorm. Therefore, the redundancy in the context makes the sentence clumsy.
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