Why did he lose all his money?
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Answer:
he lose his all money but to girls
When a friend loses a loved one, our hearts ache for them. We want so much to comfort, soothe and make things better, yet we end up sputtering out the wrong words because we don't know what to say when someone dies. "We're trained not to discuss death," says grief expert John Welshons, author of Awakening from Grief. "On top of that, we're uncomfortable with silence, crying and sharing someone's grief, so we try to fix grief instead." Not only does that approach not work, but choosing the wrong words can cause more pain. Here's why these nine common statements are particularly hurtful to grievers.
You must be strong now.
People need to fully express their grief before they can heal. Telling someone to pull herself together quickly isn't helpful. "When my mother died when I was 12, everyone said, 'Be strong. Take care of your dad,'" recalls David Kessler, co-author of On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Losswith Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD. "They were all well-meaning, but what I could have used instead was people saying, 'This is going to hurt, but I'm here for you.'" When in doubt, says Kessler, err on the side of silence. Sometimes the best thing to do is simply be there. "My co-author taught me if you're not sure what to do, just listen."
Your loved one lived a good, long life.
Some people think when someone lives to a ripe old age, there's no cause for grieving when they pass away. But "the mourner is likely thinking, 'However long I had my loved one wasn't long enough,'" says certified grief counselor Marty Tousley, author of Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year. Gratitude for that long life may come later, she says, but in the beginning there's only the agony of loss. Tousley says it's important not to gloss over that and give the person who's grieving a chance to share stories about their loved one.
Everything happens for a reason.
When you lose someone you love, it's difficult to agree that his death was part of some grand cosmic plan. "We have to be careful not to make assumptions, as everyone reacts differently according to their age, gender, personality, culture, value system, past experience with loss and available support," says Tousley. She suggests skipping clichés like this and instead giving the mourner some space to find her own answers. If you offer words, she says, try, "I hope I'm one of the people who comforts you in the weeks and months ahead."
I know exactly how you feel.
Even if you've lost someone dear to you in the past, you can't know exactly how someone else feels because you're not in that person's skin. Besides, trying to make a friend's loss relatable to something you've gone through takes the focus off of their needs and places it on your experience. It might also end up offending. For example, you may have truly adored your dog who recently died, but equating that to losing a parent can sting. "You can't compare losses," says Kessler. "We can be in similar situations, but saying 'I understand your loss' gets us in trouble because we could be comparing a big loss with a small one." Kessler says we're better off just saying, "I love you and you're not alone."
It's time to put this behind you now (or don't dwell on it).