Question

why do people create false images of themselves

Answer 1

The idea of a false self is to ward off mounting anxiety, to help a family to maintain its denial of problems or to keep the true self safe and often hidden. That’s why a child might create one in the first place, to please and placate the family system. The sad outcome however, is that the false self becomes so well constructed and adapted, or garners so much acceptance and sense of place and even power within the family that spawned it and relies on it to maintain their status quo, that eventually the true self becomes lost to us. We hide our true self so effectively that even we can’t find it. And the cost of changing the way we function seems just too dear. We not only fear feeling the pain underneath the coping strategy, we may feel our very place within the family might be in jeopardy if we change.

This false self is also sometimes seen as the “idealized self” or the self through which we operate because our true self just somewhere along the line (usually quite young) felt too weak, inadequate or overwhelmed to function and gain approval in the situation in which it finds itself. So we constructed a version of self that was better, stronger and more able to cope well, a self that was less easily wounded, made anxious or devastated.

We may even come to idealize our particular false self adaptation; for example, bullying becomes ‘strength’ or manipulation and controlling becomes ‘cleverness’ or even ‘compassion’. The false self steps in, when we feel unable to cope, like an actor on a stage and hides our stammering insecurity under a smoke screen of fake strength, or intellectual posturing.

We all need an ability to mask or control our baser emotions so that we don’t blurt them out inappropriately where they can get us into trouble. The real danger lies not in creating a mask or false self, we all do that somewhat. The danger lies in mistaking the false or idealized self for the true self.
A false self because it is an unconscious defense, can stifle the growth of a conscious, authentic self. It’s the false self that strategizes and develops strength, confidence and acceptance. And the true, conscious self gets suffocated and sent into hiding.