Why we need to relate to others?
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We are not born alone. We are with our mothers at the very least. Often many others are there as well. Similarly, many people die with loved ones surrounding them. And in between, we are mostly dependent on the cooperation of others for anything we want to accomplish.
In order to do almost anything you can think of, you need the cooperation of other humans. Humans have evolved to cooperate, because cooperation gives us greater survivability. The bigger the organization, the more likely it will survive over the long term. But organizations depend on the cooperating humans who comprise them.
As a side note, this makes me think that organizations are a new form of being. Maybe the US Supreme Court wasn't that far off. Perhaps just as the bacteria in us that we are dependent on for our lives have no idea what we are thinking, businesses will be dependent on humans as component parts, but the component parts will have no idea they are part of something greater, with its own purposes.
Anyway, whether farming, hunting, making computers or creating a play, it goes much better when you cooperate with other humans, and some things, like the play, may not be able to happen at all without cooperation from others, whether they are fellow players or the audience.
It's pretty simple, really. Humans need each other. Humans that cooperate are better off than other humans. Their children will be more likely to survive and pass their genes on.
That's on the practical level. The evolutionary level. But perhaps you were asking about the more mystical and existential component of human relationships -- things like love and companionship. Do we need anyone who knows us intimately? Who can share our thoughts? Live closely with us?
Well, it's hard to separate this from the evolutionary argument. The social and spiritual stuff helps us cooperate with each other, and you could argue that the function of love is to foster human cooperation. The reason we feel good when we have love is to encourage us to love, because people who love do better at passing their genes on.
So in the end, human relationships are important because the greater our cooperation, the more likely our genes will survive to reproduce and reproduce to survive. All the stuff about love and meaning may be something we like to agonize over, but in the end, it's not in charge. Our genes are in charge.
Loneliness may feel permanent and inevitable to someone who is unfamiliar with companionship. Pain may sever trust in a way that makes it difficult to rely on future companions. These things happen in life, and the thought processes they create in the person who suffers them can be very difficult to see through.
However, it is within relationships that healing occurs as well.
It is by contrasting one's own perspective with the perspective of others that we learn to see new possibilities. Without the challenges and assistance of others, creativity would be stifled. Nearly everything in life is made possible because of someone else, from the tools to the skills that make them useful.
The connections between people create options that are not available to someone who is alone. It is through a lifetime made up of billions of ideas, interactions, and relationships that we develop into who we are becoming. Death is merely turning the final page on that process, but even in death every life has an effect.
At one point in my fight with depression, I tried to imagine a person who has no effect on their world, and is unaffected by anyone. I came to the conclusion that it simply isn't possible.
Even if a child is stillborn and left unburied in the wilderness, the people who saw this happen will remember. The effect of the ending of his existence will cause shifts in action that will change the interactions of the people associated with them. The mother will still live with the physical result of of giving birth even if her memory is wiped.
However, we all have the choice of noticing the connections and being an active participant.... It's a skill that will improve within a lifetime of practice.
What else do we have to do with our time?
In order to do almost anything you can think of, you need the cooperation of other humans. Humans have evolved to cooperate, because cooperation gives us greater survivability. The bigger the organization, the more likely it will survive over the long term. But organizations depend on the cooperating humans who comprise them.
As a side note, this makes me think that organizations are a new form of being. Maybe the US Supreme Court wasn't that far off. Perhaps just as the bacteria in us that we are dependent on for our lives have no idea what we are thinking, businesses will be dependent on humans as component parts, but the component parts will have no idea they are part of something greater, with its own purposes.
Anyway, whether farming, hunting, making computers or creating a play, it goes much better when you cooperate with other humans, and some things, like the play, may not be able to happen at all without cooperation from others, whether they are fellow players or the audience.
It's pretty simple, really. Humans need each other. Humans that cooperate are better off than other humans. Their children will be more likely to survive and pass their genes on.
That's on the practical level. The evolutionary level. But perhaps you were asking about the more mystical and existential component of human relationships -- things like love and companionship. Do we need anyone who knows us intimately? Who can share our thoughts? Live closely with us?
Well, it's hard to separate this from the evolutionary argument. The social and spiritual stuff helps us cooperate with each other, and you could argue that the function of love is to foster human cooperation. The reason we feel good when we have love is to encourage us to love, because people who love do better at passing their genes on.
So in the end, human relationships are important because the greater our cooperation, the more likely our genes will survive to reproduce and reproduce to survive. All the stuff about love and meaning may be something we like to agonize over, but in the end, it's not in charge. Our genes are in charge.
Loneliness may feel permanent and inevitable to someone who is unfamiliar with companionship. Pain may sever trust in a way that makes it difficult to rely on future companions. These things happen in life, and the thought processes they create in the person who suffers them can be very difficult to see through.
However, it is within relationships that healing occurs as well.
It is by contrasting one's own perspective with the perspective of others that we learn to see new possibilities. Without the challenges and assistance of others, creativity would be stifled. Nearly everything in life is made possible because of someone else, from the tools to the skills that make them useful.
The connections between people create options that are not available to someone who is alone. It is through a lifetime made up of billions of ideas, interactions, and relationships that we develop into who we are becoming. Death is merely turning the final page on that process, but even in death every life has an effect.
At one point in my fight with depression, I tried to imagine a person who has no effect on their world, and is unaffected by anyone. I came to the conclusion that it simply isn't possible.
Even if a child is stillborn and left unburied in the wilderness, the people who saw this happen will remember. The effect of the ending of his existence will cause shifts in action that will change the interactions of the people associated with them. The mother will still live with the physical result of of giving birth even if her memory is wiped.
However, we all have the choice of noticing the connections and being an active participant.... It's a skill that will improve within a lifetime of practice.
What else do we have to do with our time?
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It's good to relate to others because when someone is going through a rough time, the feel alone and sometimes wish that there was someone out there who can relate to the pain they're feeling. Trying to relate to someone is hard but it makes them feel better, because most people have suicidal thoughts because they feel alone and like no one understands them.
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