WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR COUSION TELLING HIM OBOUT THE HARDSHIPS FACED BY YOU DURING LOCKDOWN PERIOD
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Answer:
Dear Sinead*,
We haven’t seen each other in a long time. You live down home in Kilkenny. I live in Limerick. I was hoping I would get to catch up with you at the end of March, when I should have been home celebrating my mother’s 65th birthday and Mother’s Day with my family. Instead, because of coronavirus, we have all been self-isolating in our own homes and I don’t know when, if ever, I will see you again.
You see, I have only recently learned that you have been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and the prognosis isn’t good. I called Mark*, your husband, to verify what I had heard. Unfortunately, the rumours were true. Mark told me that you have been given only a few months to live and that there is nothing the doctors can do. I couldn’t believe it. How could this be happening? I tried to comfort Mark and to placate him, as people placated me when I was given this very same news two years ago.
The difference between then and now, though, is that I was able to surround myself with family and friends to comfort me. I was able to cry on my friends’ shoulders. I was able to sit in silence with my family and friends and all that was required was a nod, or a squeeze of my hand to let me know that someone was there for me. None of your friends can visit and sit with you and spend precious time with you. None of Mark’s friends can take him out for a pint to get him out of the house and forget about what lies ahead even just for a little while.You and Mark must deal with this awful situation separated from all of your family and friends, who can only drop dinners and shopping at the door and talk through windows at a distance because your immune system is compromised and you already have enough to deal with without having to worry about catching coronavirus.
And so, I must live with the guilt that in the past year, I have not been there for you as I should have been. I was busy with my book and with treatment, with my family and with helping other people, people I don’t know. I should have made more time for my friends. I must accept that you may die and I will never see you again. I may not even be able to attend your funeral. I have sent messages and cards to you and Mark to let you know how sorry I am for not being the friend I should have been and to offer support and comfort with words, since that is all I have to offer.
The only words that are important now are the words “I’m sorry” and “I hope that you can forgive me”.
Your friend,
Vicky
Vicky Phelan is a cancer campaigner and author; *some names in her letter have been changed