write dialogues for the conversation between two celebrities or famous people
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NIXON: Hello, I see you’re smoking a cigar and wearing a large hat.
CHURCHILL: So I am, young chap. Could I interest you in a cigar?
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NIXON: Sure, I think I smoke cigars … maybe … I don’t know.
(CHURCHILL hands a cigar to NIXON, who bites off the tip and lights it.)
NIXON: We were probably alive at the same time.
CHURCHILL: Indeed, my boy, indeed. I had something to do with World War II and I think maybe you fought in it.
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NIXON: I’m not sure if I did.
CHURCHILL: There’s not that much more about me that everyone knows.
NIXON: I once held up my hands and formed two peace signs. I was either about to get onto a plane or get off of one.
CHURCHILL: I have seen the photo, because I think there were cameras when I was alive.
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NIXON: And what about Watergate? I did that.
CHURCHILL: Margaret Thatcher is someone else from England. She was leader after me.
NIXON: People can buy masks of my face.
J.D. Salinger and Christopher Columbus
COLUMBUS: I discovered America.
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SALINGER: You’re a phony, everything’s phony.
COLUMBUS: I sailed on three ships called the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. I don’t think I had anything to do with the Mayflower. That was before me.
SALINGER: Everything is phony.
COLUMBUS: It was 1492 when I found America. That year is definitely correct.
SALINGER: Were there Indians here when you got here?
COLUMBUS: Yes. I discovered them, too. I don’t think I had Thanksgiving with them, though. Those were Pilgrims. Maybe I was a Pilgrim, but probably not.
SALINGER: I wrote one book and nobody ever saw me again.
COLUMBUS: There were no books when I was alive.
Abraham Lincoln and Hitler
HITLER: Kill the Jews.
ABE: Free the slaves.
HITLER: Kill everyone, especially the Jews. Nazis are the best.
ABE: Emancipation Proclamation.
HITLER: Mein Kampf.
ABE: Four score and seven years ago.
HITLER: Kill all Jews!
ABE: I was shot in the head at a play, because the Civil War made people from the South angry.
HITLER: I created Nazis.
CHURCHILL: So I am, young chap. Could I interest you in a cigar?
Preorder the brand-new edition of Boots Riley’s Sorry to Bother You—originally published with McSweeney's 48—and you'll receive your copy in September. Now a major motion picture, Sorry to...
NIXON: Sure, I think I smoke cigars … maybe … I don’t know.
(CHURCHILL hands a cigar to NIXON, who bites off the tip and lights it.)
NIXON: We were probably alive at the same time.
CHURCHILL: Indeed, my boy, indeed. I had something to do with World War II and I think maybe you fought in it.
Subscribe to the Quarterly now and get this tote for free! An ode to determination. A paean to pain. The 10-ounce black cotton Trying tote is suitable for lugging most things luggable, including...
NIXON: I’m not sure if I did.
CHURCHILL: There’s not that much more about me that everyone knows.
NIXON: I once held up my hands and formed two peace signs. I was either about to get onto a plane or get off of one.
CHURCHILL: I have seen the photo, because I think there were cameras when I was alive.
Buy this alongside a Quarterly subscription and use the code DOUBLEBUNDLE to get an additional $15 off. In anticipation of Quarterly 53's release later this summer, we're bundling together...
NIXON: And what about Watergate? I did that.
CHURCHILL: Margaret Thatcher is someone else from England. She was leader after me.
NIXON: People can buy masks of my face.
J.D. Salinger and Christopher Columbus
COLUMBUS: I discovered America.
Featuring art that accompanied Nyuol Lueth Tong's introduction to McSweeney’s Issue 52, this 18” x 24” poster is screenprinted on sturdy 100# “Whip Cream” French Paper, and signed and hand-numbered...
SALINGER: You’re a phony, everything’s phony.
COLUMBUS: I sailed on three ships called the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. I don’t think I had anything to do with the Mayflower. That was before me.
SALINGER: Everything is phony.
COLUMBUS: It was 1492 when I found America. That year is definitely correct.
SALINGER: Were there Indians here when you got here?
COLUMBUS: Yes. I discovered them, too. I don’t think I had Thanksgiving with them, though. Those were Pilgrims. Maybe I was a Pilgrim, but probably not.
SALINGER: I wrote one book and nobody ever saw me again.
COLUMBUS: There were no books when I was alive.
Abraham Lincoln and Hitler
HITLER: Kill the Jews.
ABE: Free the slaves.
HITLER: Kill everyone, especially the Jews. Nazis are the best.
ABE: Emancipation Proclamation.
HITLER: Mein Kampf.
ABE: Four score and seven years ago.
HITLER: Kill all Jews!
ABE: I was shot in the head at a play, because the Civil War made people from the South angry.
HITLER: I created Nazis.
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