You are Mohini. Throughout you've seen your parents busy and running about doing work. But during lockdown, you got to see another side of them where you got to spend ample quality time with them. You realised your parents had interests and hobbies as well which took a backseat in order to provide for the family. Describe your feelings on the time spent with them and your gratitude towards them in the form of a Diary entry.
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Answers
Explanation:
Parents say the lockdown has taught them to give their children space. When her day is done, for instance, Rhianna Majumder, 12, from Kolkata retreats to the secret world of her diary. ‘I pour out all my thoughts and feelings there,’ she says. ( shormi roychoudhury )
As a byproduct of the lockdown, the performative element of parenting in middle- and upper-middle-class urban India has declined. There’s less pressure on children, because there are just fewer goals available. This means parents are seeing their children differently; seeing them for who they are, as one put it, rather than as an amalgam of the various children they’ve been.
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The lockdown has also been particularly hard on parents of children with special needs, and parents of toddlers. Vaccine cycles have been disrupted, routine checks have become nerve-wracking, and there’s the added burden of childcare with no help.
The loss of the offline social network has been very keenly felt. “These parents are having to work doubly hard in the absence of their network,” says developmental paediatrician Samir Dalwai, founder of the New Horizons Health and Research Foundation. “For certain kinds of special-needs children, online learning can also be harder. For some, outdoor activity is almost a prescription. Here, parents have been resorting to staircase space, a therapy ball, even an old truck tyre. And all these are good ideas, and have been working.”
In addition to age — teens tend to get restless more easily; younger children are more able to entertain themselves for longer periods, and suffer less anxiety about what comes next — type of schooling has proved pivotal.
The more rigidly structured courses have instituted virtual attendance, tests and worksheets. One dad had to rush around trying to buy a printer, the day the lockdown was enforced. Juggling work, housework, classes and homework has pushed others to the brink.
One mom was so exhausted by the sheets and sheets of algebra fractions that she said she felt like pulling her hair out, at which point her daughter responded curtly, ‘Keep your hair on, mom’ — which has since become the lockdown anthem in their home.
“Younger children are typically more resilient by design. Their lack of knowledge and understanding of the scale of things, helps,” Chhibber says.
What happens next is a question that’s plaguing children, and parents too — not just with regard to the courses / exams / jobs situation, but also, what is the likely long-term impact of this lockdown on my child?
Counsellors say they can’t answer that one; it’s too soon to know. But the fact that everyone has been stuck in the same situation should alleviate some of the long-term effects.
In terms of being stuck in the same situation, parents say it’s also been helpful to discover that there is no correct number of children for a lockdown. One is too few; any more is an endless roundabout of cooking, washing up, arguing over space / toys / rules / chores, and elaborate disputes redressal systems.
For some children, this has been the first time in their lives that they’ve gone this long with nothing new, no special outings, parties or vacations.
“Parents are learning to spend less money. What was, for many, a cycle of heedless consumerism has been broken. There is no hankering for the next big thing,” says family counsellor Gouri Dange. “Children are being taught to manage with what they have.”
Instead of things, innovation and effort have reclaimed their place at the heart of special occasions. Like the ‘flight experience’ that Rachana Adalja created for her six-year-old daughter and a friend, in their living room. She put luggage tags on two suitcases, fixed screens to the backs of chairs and offered an ‘in-flight’ meal of Maggi and soup.
Pallavi Singh, 38, a homemaker from Indore, celebrated her daughter Kimaya’s fifth birthday by transforming part of their living room into a ‘fairyland’, with the help of some toys, Barbie props and balloons. “She had a Zoom party with friends and cousins. They played games and laughed a lot,” Pallavi says.
Rec time and celebrations have also encompassed joint cooking or baking projects, question hour and quiz games, dress-up and dance parties.
So, will lockdown change how we parent for good? How much of the old styles of parenting will return — less democracy, less conversation, less quality time, fewer family meals?
“The ability to have more conversations will remain, I hope,” says Chhibber.
“In the long term, parents will learn to depend on themselves,” Dalwai adds. “They will have greater trust in their child’s ability to cope. And will realise, hopefully, that children don’t need that many things and lists. Sometimes all they need is time and patience and a say in how things are done.”