Question

Zey bro we cant blame kenisha for being possessive... i mean everyone gets possessive and emotional over this things..

Even i used to get hurt when b bestie from school used to talk more with other girls than me... so its a human nature..​

Answer 1

Answer:

The subject of having a possessive or controlling relationship partner may feel worlds away from the sweet sentiment behind asking someone to be your Valentine. However, many couples find there can be a slippery slope from desiring a lover to wanting to own them. When it comes to coping with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, couples can cross the line from love to possessiveness. They often intrude on each other’s boundaries and disrespect each other’s inherent independence. Think of all the secret searches through cell phones, the guilt trips when one partner goes out with friends, the outbursts when reassurance isn’t offered, or the interrogations over attractions to anyone else.

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There are many subtle and not-so-subtle ways people attempt to control relationship partners as a means to calm their own emotions. Yet feeling connected to someone doesn’t mean it's okay to act entitled or to exert power over them. In fact, attempts to exercise power over our partners actually serve to reduce and diminish our own attraction to them. When we try to control someone close to us, we limit them in ways that make them less themselves. We want our partners (and ourselves for that matter) to be fulfilled, well-rounded individuals who are fully alive. When we make our partner feel guilty for choosing to spend time with friends, for example, we actually shrink their world. We should always aim to grow each other’s worlds rather than restrict them. Otherwise, we take the air and life out of the relationship. It’s no surprise studies have shown that jealousy and surveillance behaviors we often associate with possessiveness lead to relationship dissatisfaction and destructive behavior.

So how can you stop the possessive patterns in your relationship? The first step is to understand why you engage in controlling behavior. The second step is to deal with the underlying feelings that drive you toward an unequal dynamic.

Most of us have some degree of fear and insecurity surrounding our close relationships. These feelings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, or loss or intimacy itself. These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control. Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings.

For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever choose us. This negative self-concept can lead us to act out all kinds of jealous or insecure behaviors with our partner. We may start giving them the cold shoulder in hopes they’ll show interest in our feelings. We may act victimized and wounded by any comment or action that we can construe as disregarding or rejecting. We may outright scold our partner or make rules about where they can and can’t go, what they can and can’t do. All of these behavior patterns have a lot more to do with us than our partner. And most of them have deep roots in our past.

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Answer 2

I'm 16 years riya sis

and you?