Describe how you are challenged by such activity/activities.
Answers
Answer:
The purpose of the extracurricular activities essay is for admissions officers to better understand how your extracurricular activities have shaped and motivated you. This essay shouldn’t restate the activities you’ve already shared in your resume, but should elaborate on their impact and significance to you as a person.
These extracurricular activities essay examples were all written by real students. For each example, we provide a first draft, what the writer can improve, and the revised version.
It’s clear that music is a passion for the author, and that energy comes through in the essay. On the whole, the writing is fairly strong, but there is definitely room for improvement. First, although the word limit is 250 words, this essay only had 198. Especially with an essay this short, it’s important to take advantage of all the space given—every word is a chance to show the admissions committee who you are.
There is also some strong imagery, especially around playing the music and describing how challenging it was. However, there are still several places where the writing is much more “tell” than “show.” Something else to pay attention to is the author’s tendency to put commas before dependent clauses, where they don’t belong— this is a common mistake, but is something to be aware of.
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