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Answers
Explanation:
1 Present solutions instead of problems.
It’s better to talk about what you can do rather than what you can’t. Formulate a solution or alternate plan and present that instead.
I can’t meet with you tomorrow morning because I’m booked.
Tomorrow afternoon works better for me. Would a 2 p.m. meeting fit your schedule?
Not everyone will remember to bring their handbooks to the meeting, so we should bring extras.
Let’s remember to bring extra handbooks to the meeting in case anyone needs a copy.
2 State what you want, not what you don’t.
Why focus on preventing a negative outcome when you can encourage a positive one? Instead of beginning requests with “don’t,” try stating what you do want.
Don’t leave your leftovers in the break room fridge over the weekend.
Remember to take your leftovers out of the break room fridge on Fridays.
Do not bring laptops to this meeting.
Laptops aren’t necessary at this meeting, so leave yours at your desk.
3 Keep hyperbole in check.
Sometimes exaggerated language is used to great effect (particularly by advertisers) to promote something or speak to positive issues, but when you use it in a negative context it can evoke bad feelings. Watch out for words like always and never. They’re more likely to mean sometimes than either of those extremes.
You always file your reports late.
I sometimes receive your reports after the deadline.
We never get anything done.
Let’s stay on task so we can get things done.
4 Try “I statements.”
When you’re tackling a difficult issue, statements that begin with “you” (and especially “you always” and “you never”—see the previous tip about hyperbole) tend to sound like accusations. And accusations, of course, raise a person’s defenses.
When you’re bringing up something negative, keep the focus on how the situation makes you feel rather than what the other person did.
You never listen!
I find it hard to communicate when I’m worried that I’m not being heard.
You’re always on my case!
I feel frustrated when I’m frequently reminded to do my work instead of being trusted to meet my responsibilities.
5 “I’m sorry, but . . .” means you’re not sorry.
When I was a kid, and I’d apologize for some heinous act of childhood treachery, I’d often apologize with, “I’m sorry, but—” My mom would cut me off in my tracks, saying, “Any time you add a ‘but’ it means you’re not sorry, you’re just defending yourself.”
When you’re sorry, be sorry. Excuses and other defenses render apologies useless.
We’re sorry your shipment was delayed, but we had a lot of orders this week.
We’re sorry your shipment was delayed. The number of orders we received this week took us by surprise!
I’m sorry I interrupted you, but I felt the conversation was headed in the wrong direction.
I’m sorry I interrupted you. Let’s keep the conversation on a positive track.
Here are a couple of things to consider before you send an email, write a social media post, or address anything negative in writing.
Do an empathy check. Read what you’ve written as though you’re the recipient. How would you feel if someone sent this to you? Is there anything you can change to make the message more positive, or to focus on solutions instead of problems?
Sit on it. Have you ever fired off a scathing missive and almost immediately regretted it? Give texts about negative issues a cooling off period before you send or post them. Chances are, you’ll be able to rewrite with a more positive mindset once you’ve had some time to process