How to ans someone else's Q?
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Sometimes, you meet someone, and you just click. You feel like you've been besties your entire life and honestly can't believe there was a time when you didn't even know they existed. And then, there's those other relationships that take a little more work—i.e., how it feels like pulling teeth to learn anything about your brother-in-law. While you might never be BFFs with your BIL, there is a trick you can use to get him to open up a little more.
Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, says getting to know someone starts with the "breadth questions"—think: impersonal but important biographical info about a person's family, their career, and if they’re single or married, for example. (Although if you're asking these q's of your BIL... you should probably definitely know the answer to that last one.)
Tamekis Williams, LCSW, founder of Mission Dorothy Female Empowerment Services, adds that you want to ask open-ended questions that will allow the other person to elaborate, instead of questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."
After all, if you really want to get to know someone beyond the surface level, you’ve got to dig deeper. "Topics that get at the other person's inner world—their thoughts, goals, and dreams—will strengthen and increase bonding between two people," Orbuch notes. "Sharing personal information strengthens any relationship, and deeper questions focus on that personal self-disclosure."
Btw, that's a two-way street, adds Williams. "When initially meeting someone, it is important to be inviting and warm so that the other person can initially feel comfortable talking with you."
On that note, Williams suggests taking a careful approach in your questions, as you don't want the other person to feel like you're violating their privacy. Questions you should probably steer clear of early on: "Democrat or Republican?" "Do you own or rent?" and "What is your faith or spiritual belief?".
There are other ways to bypass small talk and learn more in-depth info about the other person, says Williams. "You can get the answers [you're looking for] by sometimes answering those questions yourself while sharing about you. An example would look like: 'I just moved to Georgia last year and found a beautiful community that I fell in love with and purchased a home. What about you, do you love where you live?'"
With a little patience, you'll become way closer with the person you're just getting to know in no time. Here are 200 not-boring questions to get you started:
Likes
"Asking someone about their preferences helps you to understand who they are as a person," says Rebecca Hendrix, a therapist in New York. The important thing here is to go deeper by asking follow-up questions. For example, "If you find out they like dogs, take it a bit deeper by asking them what they like most about their dog or their favorite breed," Hendrix explains.
"Commonalities often open the door for further conversation and, once that door is open, you can start a dialogue that allows the other person to elaborate and not give close-ended answers," Williams adds.
Some other ideas:
1. What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
2. What type of music are you into?
3. What was the best vacation you ever took and why?
4. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list and why?
5, .What are your hobbies, and how did you get into them?
6. What was your favorite age growing up?
7. Was the last thing you read?
8. Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?
9. What's your favorite ice cream topping?
10. What was the last TV show you binge-watched?
11. Are you into podcasts or do you only listen to music?
12. Do you have a favorite holiday? Why or why not?
13. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
14. Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home?
15. What’s your favorite sleeping position?
16. What’s your go-to guilty pleasure?
17. In the summer, would you rather go to the beach or go camping?
18. What’s your favorite quote from a TV show/movie/book?
19. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it?
20. What's one thing that can instantly make your day better?
21. Do you have any pet peeves?
Questions can help deepen any relationship, but you should never have to ask these ones if you're in a healthy relationship: