Write an article for an eminent magazine on the topic - Exam Tension More for Parents than for Children.
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The key to happiness lies in managing emotions well. While it is an important life skill, parents rarely teach their child how to do it. ParentCircle spoke to Dr Ravi Samuel, a leading psychotherapist from Chennai, about how parents should help their child manage her emotions, as well as how to manage their own emotions. Here are excerpts from the interview.hings like depression, frustration or anger are not a new phenomenon at all. Children have always experienced it. But, earlier, the coping mechanisms were different. As the mother and grandparents used to be at home, there were avenues for guidance and support. For example, if the mother hit the child, he would take refuge with his grandparents, who would pamper him and make him feel normal.
ut, nowadays, that doesn’t happen. Towards the end of the day, parents are very tired and don’t have much emotional energy to deal with the child’s issues. So, when a child who is disappointed, angry or frustrated, tries to share his feelings with his parents, they deal with it superficially. This leads to a lot of frustration, which results in anger. Also, certain activities like playing violent video games, watching movies which show aggression, or WWF, nurture aggression. Children later bring it out in real-life situations because they assume aggression to be a kind of heroism and indulge in violent behaviour.he emotions of a child depend on how he or she is being brought up. For example, in some families, when a child refuses to have food, family members try to feed her by pampering her; or, when the child says she doesn’t want a particular food item, family members serve her the food of her choice. Sometimes, the child would purposefully refuse to eat, irrespective of what is given, just to seek attention. She may say that she wants something else, a demand which parents would cater to. Through all this, the child learns that if she throws a tantrum, parents would back off and she will be excused from her responsibility. But, once such a child starts going to school, where she would be expected to do a lot of things independently, which she is not used to, it would lead to disappointments and frustrations.
So, a lot of things depend not on the child but on the parents and the circumstances in which a child is being brought up.
PC: In what ways can improper emotional management adversely affect a child’s present and future?
Dr RS: When a child shows emotional vulnerability towards certain individuals or behaviours, parents try to protect him. That is why I advise against parents being overprotective. They need to expose the child to various circumstances and individuals, some of whom may be rude, some caring, and some indifferent. By protecting the child, parents prevent him from growing and maturing.
A lot depends on how parents guide their child to channelise his emotions, face disappointments and frustrations. The child has to be taught how to deal with frustration. For example, in the past, when children used to play together, one would lose and the other would win. However, the child who lost knew that the next day he might win. So, there was no great emotional reaction to losing or winning. But, nowadays, children mostly play on computers and the moment they begin to lose, they switch it off or reboot it, so as to not face the embarrassment of loss. A child who insulates himself from reality will face a lot of problems when reality dawns on him. And parents would have no clue about how to manage their child’s emotional reactions once he grows up. So, it is very important that the child is given due exposure.
PC: Can lack of proper emotional management lead to physical or mental health issues? How?
Dr RS: All of us experience a certain degree of anxiety. For example, when a child has to go to school after holidays, she feels a little anxious, but would still go because parents compel her. But, there are children who suffer from an overwhelming sense of anxiety, and would develop a severe stomach ache or headache. So, emotions and body are very closely linked. Many a time, children’s ailments are more psychosomatic than physical.
Similarly, if a child has not studied well for exams, his confidence level would be very low. On the eve of exams, he may develop severe or unmanageable anxiety. So, emotions can affect both your physical and mental health.
PC: Do you think that unrealistic expectations and undue pressure from parents can be one major causal factor for emotional problems in children? If so, what are your tips for parents regarding this?
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